my ex sent me pics of another girl sucking his weiner one time because he thought it would make me mad and i wrote back “did your mom do something different with her hair?”
What if Gordon Ramsay voiced a GPS
"Great job, you missed the exit you fucking disgrace."
"What does the chef recommend?"
"Sir, this is a mcdonalds"
"I’m sorry, what does the McChef recommend?"
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever been a stripper?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever been to a strip club.
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever done porn?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever watched porn.
You’re the reason we exist.
You’re the demand to our supply.
If you disdain sex workers, don’t you dare consume our labor.
As they say in the industry, “People jack off with the left hand and point with the right.”
Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”. You didn’t get it and you got mad and thought I was playing around.
Breaking up after almost two years together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To Here”.
You still didn’t get it.
you shoulda just said hella.
yall mighta stayed together
what if augustus and hazel’s couple quote was “Aight? Aight.”
i fell in love the way u fall asleep. slow then mad quick u feel
"i don’t need to write that down, i’ll rememb—"
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